Am I Too Old?

So I got to reminiscing today... am I so old that I have no idea what goes on in middle/high school anymore? I decided that I am.

Do kids pass notes anymore? like really pass notes, like spend the whole class writing a note, folding it into some chinese star oragami bullshit and then walk to the next class, and give it to either a) the person they intended or b) someone they trust to give it to the person they intended?

Then you spend the next class, secretly opening the note, hiding it under your notebook, reading it, then figuring out what to respond to... responding, folding up another chinese star oragami bullshit thing and moving on to the next note.

Does that even happen anymore? No... I'm guessing kids just text each other all day

fuck I'm old

ass hat

According to urban dictionary the definition of an ass hat is as follows:

ass hat /ass hat (n.) (eng.) : a once great insult that hit the internet late 2003. While never reaching an annoying state of over use, it has now been put out to pasture due to it's use on the FOX series "the OC"
an ass hat is someone who still uses the term ass hat.

Well, I'm still stuck in 2003, so bear with me for a minute... I feel that an ass hat is truly one of the best insults due to it's ability to conjure up a variety of images.

Seriously, think about it, what is an ass hat? Is it something like a helmet, but instead of being a real helmet, its buttocks sitting on top of your dome? That would make it look like you have an ass... for a hat... literally.

Maybe its someone who has their head up their ass. Fine, that's understandable. Hard to imagine how that physically happens, but I get it. It's a witty insult, "you have your head up your ass -- only you really do."

How about a donkey? Could you have a stuffed (or preferably real) donkey on a hat. That would be a true ass hat in my opinion.

Am I an ass hat for having this stupid discussion with myself? Most definitely.

However, I have to admit that as appropriate all of the above examples could be for an "ass hat", this following image truly and actually depicts my personal definition:

notice the awful g-string, the borderline prison quality tattoos, and of course, the shit stains!

That, my friends, is an ass hat.

car bombs

If Ireland has given us anything of any value its potatoes

jameson whiskey

corned beef

and red heads. (Or as I like to call them, Clown Pussies)

I guess if you want to be technical about it, they did give us the Cranberries

But however, nothing compares to Irish Car Bombs

no, not those bombs, I'm talking about the ones with the aforementioned Jameson, delicious Bailey's Irish Cream

and of course a large pint of Guinness

Ah yes, Irish Car Bombs... who can resist the urge to drop that shot in and chug chug chug.... the kind of chugging that makes your throat numb, the kind of chugging that makes you want to down more more more....

who cares if it gets on your shirt

that mixture is coagulating in your stomach so much, your shirt won't matter in about 15 minutes anyway

New Format

I've decided, after much deliberation, that this blog cannot be told from a point of view of Bea Arthur's penis.... while I still love the name, really, how far can the joke go? yeah I could write about her giant balls, the fact that it hangs to the left, the numerous warts she has acquired over the years, but I think that would get pretty fucking boring.

Plus, I forgot about Jeff Ross's joke about not fucking Pam Anderson with Bea Arthur's dick.... and really, what else is there to say?

So I have to figure out what else to do.... I'm sure I'll be back with something exciting.... maybe

Rest in Jizz

So, as you all know by know, the illustrious Estelle Getty passed away...





Ms. Arthur was very upset by the news.... so upset that she tucked me in for a long time, it's been awhile since that happened, but man, I forgot how bad that smells.





anyway, this morning she took me out and we had magic fun time, which these days really requires a lot more jergens than it should, but I digress...





our inspiration today was a picture of 'Stell... and needless to say, I felt a little honored to be part of this masterpiece.





Who knew Ms. Arthur was so into mustaches?

Google Bea Arthur using Images

The most amazing picture in the world shows up if you go to google image search and type in "Bea Arthur"

I dare you to try it